Dark Lord Fitness
I dreamed I was watching a Dark Lord–you know, the big bad villain, the leader of all the spooks and goblins and things that go bump in the dark, bent on conquering all of Fantasyland and putting it under his iron heel. It was apparently–you know how you just know things in dreams–one of those Fantasylands where a new Dark Lord arises every few hundred years once the old one has become only a hazy memory.
He was talking to someone. Maybe a subordinate, or maybe he was monologuing to the plucky farm boy hero.
Being the Dark Lord is harder then you think. You have to make the nicest of judgments all the time or you fail. If you draw off too many forces to deal with the plucky hero and his ragtag band then your main assaults against the kingdoms of men will fall. But if you do not draw off enough forces just when you’ve crushed the last Kingdom of men and are planning on ruling unchecked and supreme, the plucky hero shows up in your throne room to kill you.
If you give your subordinates too little independence and power then the plucky hero is able to run rings around them. But if you give them too much, they turn on each other and even on you.
I remember thinking this made sense and even thought to myself that the dark lord had to be pretty terrifying to cow his enemies and keep his own hordes in check, but also could not be too evil or he would fritter away resources in just doing nasty stuff and would actually inspire more opposition that way.
The next part of the dream was an infodump.
I was given to understand that the dark Lords monologue was correct. In fact a dark lord had to basically do everything right or else the plucky hero and his ragtag band would figure out a way to defeat him.
That was because the purpose of Fantasyland was not generating heroes. The purpose of Fantasyland was to create the perfect dark lord. The plucky farm boy heroes and swords of prophecy and the alliances of light and all of that were just for testing the dark lords and terminating failed dark lord trials. They were a mechanism for creating the perfect dark lord.
When I woke up I thought that such a dark lord might turn out to be not so dark after all.

