How unfair is it that 16% of the land of the United States is a majority in the House of Representatives?  Cmon, people, its 202X!

I have discovered a positively sockdologer way to skirt awkward political conversations when foregathering for a jolly Thanksgiving feast with one’s fiancee’s truculent pig-ignorant SJW relatives.

Dashed simple.

Propose marriage.

“I say, dear truculent pig-ignorant SJW relative, speaking of white supremacy, how about it, eh, what what?  I refer of course to hitching our twin destinies.  Let’s tie the knot, rather.  It would be ripping.”

The conversation gets diverted to new topics like billy-o.

WARNING: if having a manly go at Wooster method, it is advisable to have Jeeves among those present .

I figured out how to really obey the Word of Wisdom.

D&C 89:7

And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

Next Sunday I will douse myself liberally with whiskey before I head to church. Let all know, and smell, how righteous I am.

There once were two men who had to duel using fish.

It was not easy to figure out how to do.  They were the miserable butt of jokes for months as they tried out and discarded various fanciful notions.

Particularly miserable was the man who had been challenged.  He and the challenger had both been pretty worked up about whatever it was, so he accepted the challenge through clenched teeth and then drew himself up to announce his choice of weapon.  He wanted fish spears, the barbed nasty little things.  He drew himself up and said, “FISH [dramatic pause]” then one guy there snorted and everyone around burst out laughing, big honking laughs, and no one heard him say “spears.”  They just would not shut up with the laughter, by the time he could make himself clear it sounded like he was making excuses and everyone agreed it was too late.  He was so angry he challenged some of them to a duel but they just laughed him off.

At the time the challenger was furious at the man who said fish.  He thought the man must have done it on purpose, he was in no mood to make allowances (you rarely are when you fight a duel), and he wanted to call the whole thing off as a mockery.  But everyone advised him he had to.  They insisted solemnly that it would clean impinge on his personal honor to back out now.

You never believe in society quite so much as when everyone you meet knows all about your affairs and spontaneously coordinates to keep you the butt of the joke.   (more…)

From our friend WJT, what an AI thinks religious faces look like.  The above are the Mormon faces.

One hopes our readers will accept this small lapse from our regular diet of shattering philosophical insight and heartbreaking beauties.

When Dr. Bruce Charleton receives the Nobel for Haircuttery, we will be proud to say we knew him when.

For haute barbery, sport the big hair flap,

but not the flap in back, you sap.

Over your ears

lest you bore us to tears.

Side flaps are fashion forward, chap.

This is Part 3 of a series.

Part 1 was Virtue Upon Virtue.  There we discussed that your standard virtue set could be disassembled and we could see the four different parts as stages or levels.  Seen this way, they wouldn’t even necessarily be vices, if they were necessary parts of progression.

Part 2 was In My Father’s House are Many Virtues.  There we tried to match the parts of a virtue set with the four afterlives and roughly succeeded–in particular, its eerie how well the astronomical symbols for each of the afterlives works.  Outer Darkness = cool vice; the Celestial Kingdom = hot vice; the Terrestrial Kingdom = cool virtue; and the Celestial Kingdom = hot virtue.

In this part we are going to look at the plan of salvation and see if we can match its stages to the parts of a virtue set.

(more…)

We are a society now where people say, “sort of,”, “kind of,” “in a way,” “I mean ,” “I mean to say,” “you see,” all those things — over and over and over again — like the gossiping women who say, “She said, she said, she said …” They’re a kind of stuttering, a kind of self-imposed idiocy, a kind of pretense very often found in people trying to show that they are just like everybody else — quite stupid really. Stupidity in a democratic society as a whole produces pseudo-stupidity in its leaders, with appalling results. Once there is television in the House of Commons — and I hope it will never happen — everybody there will be pretending to be as stupid  as their electorates. This kind of manipulative pretense at being more stupid than the other person was first noticed by Wyndham Lewis in the twenties and documented in the speech of Bertie Wooster.

–Arthur Henry King, The Abundance of the Heart

(more…)

A crimson mask, or zits, but not both.

His Majesty is feeling much better.

(more…)

He was a Cowboy Billionaire with scars on his heart.

That was the tagline on one of those Kindle ads for a romance novel.  We’ve been laughing about it since.

Last night we had too much milk and too many frozen bananas so we blended them up and sat around the table coming up with our own romantic heroes. (more…)

As a follow-up to our sensitive, thoughtful post on immunization, more totally-serious medical advice.  By which we mean not serious at all.  I think the part about getting sunlight is good though.  That worked for me.

College: 3 AM, 10 AM

Now: 10 PM, 6 AM

Yeehah! Ah reckon ahm as pleazed as punch.

Why, ifn its bin one time its bin a dozen where ah’ve gotten all hetted up fit to bust and had to relieve muh feelins’ by strangling’ a grizzlie with a rattlesnake. Why? For the simple ’nuff reason that many’s the time ah purposed to mosey down to the ginral store and fill up mah wagon with salt, sugar, and nucular power generation and then brought to mind that I had to set to makin’ the dadblame thing muhself.