How to Really Obey the Word of Wisdom

This caused me to laugh out loud! And then reminded me of a thought that I pursued a few years ago. In our branch we have members and non-members who attend reeking of tobacco. It bothers my sensitive nose and I can’t sit near them. One day the thought came into my mind, “What if all our sins had a smell?” Wouldn’t that be interesting. Of course, I’m grateful they don’t because gatherings of any kind would be unbearable for me. But the thought prompted me to be more tolerant and compassionate because if others could smell my sins it would be rather obnoxious and no one would want to sit with me.

This made me laugh, because last Christmas the dear wild hooligans I’m teaching piano to proudly presented me with a gift: fancy soap from a shop downtown. The scent? “Whiskey on the Rocks: Good Clean Fun Without the Alcohol”. I’m mostly sure they bought it for the color more than the scent.

At which point I realized that I didn’t know what whiskey smelled like, but I’d smelled it before . . . when I got tapped as practice dummy for my martial arts instructor, and 90% of the time on Mondays. As a self-proclaimed Gentile (and stereotype-defying Irish hippie Zen Buddhist priest), evidently Jack Daniels is his entertainment of choice for the weekend.

Uh, Brother G, you’re supposed to _rinse_ with clean water after washing with it.

JGK: Assumin’ ya got any clean water.

@Rozy,

trust our JG commenters to make something meaningful out of my frivolity-posting.

@E.C.,
your little hooligans have the right stuff. That cracked me up.

I had a bishop who told about a gospel doctrine class where he read from 89:17, “wheat for man, and corn for the ox,” etc., then quipped that wheat was the only grain people should eat.

Later that year during tithing settlement, one of the families in the ward told him how they had struggled so hard to be obedient to the wheat-only part of the Word of Wisdom and felt blessed for doing so, while inwardly he was having a facepalm moment.

It also says “rye for the fowls” –

now, I’ve heard from both chicken and other fowl ranchers/breeders as well as professors of such that rye is okay food as a small part of mixed feed, but should not be the main food for fowls.

On the other hand, just a cursory internet search of five minutes and I found dozens of people testifying that feeding their fowl on primarily (or even only) rye is the one and only true way to feed fowl and leads to heavenly blessings.

*shrugs*

Just don’t feet linseed to poultry animals; it makes their meat go rancid when frozen. A cornmeal diet gives better results. (A scientist discovered this during World War II, and chicken has become much more prevalent in Americans’ diets since then compared to before.)

Cologne is more traditional.

Extremely traditional.