The Desire is Noble
This post is about sex and I apologize in advance for those of you–you know who you are–for whom this topic is justly painful. Would that it were not so.
I’m no Francis Berger–I have neither the depths nor the heights–but I do have some more Deep Thoughts about porn. Or rather, my brain does. Yes, at 3 AM. It’s no literary affectation, poppets, from time to time my brain really does wake me up at 3 AM to brood about Deep Thoughts. There seems to be no consistent connection to what I ate or my mood or my activity or mindset the night before.
In addition to the many more obvious problems with porn, one big problem is that it conditions men’s brains to associate sexual satisfaction with being passive and inert. There is no masculine energy involved. Further, because we have a celebrity culture where screen time is status, it conditions them to approach sex as an inferior. Passive and low status, they are getting sexual reward from being passive and low status. Like a rat that gets a little bunt of cocaine for pushing the button, but the button they push is the destruction of their own masculinity.
Oh, the crafty plan of the Adversary! He’s a sly devil.
What we all need is a Copernican revolution of the mind, and its what we all need, not just the porn-addicted. We need to see that a man’s desire for sex is not just acceptable but actually noble. Our attitude tends to be that sex is OK, if married. If we feel particularly daring, sex is good, if married. And it is! (And outside marriage its out of place, yes!) We need to add on to that, be particularly extra special daring, and see the man’s desire for sex as also good. Because the desiring and the wanting and even the striving is masculine, it has masculine energy, it expresses the male nature.
That there is a female equivalent, a sort of delight in snaring her husband’s attention, I do not doubt.
Note: This is a sensitive topic. Feel free to disagree, but use care. Use care if you do agree also.
Bookslinger
October 28, 2020
http://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/
Also see her talks on youtube, and her two books.
E.C.
October 28, 2020
Being unmarried and female, I wish that more single men would actually act (in healthy ways, like, y’know, dating and courtship) on their desire for sex – within the bounds of marriage. It is extremely frustrating that our culture has made many kinds of masculine striving practically taboo.
Bookslinger
October 28, 2020
EC, did you ever get that book on dating that I recommended?
https://www.amazon.com/Always-Talk-Strangers-Simple-Finding/dp/0399530665
seriouslypleasedropit
October 28, 2020
Very good.
E.C.
October 28, 2020
I did indeed, and read the whole thing. Unfortunately, there’s the added complication of smartphones, from which no one looks up long enough to have an actual conversation anymore. Added to the fact that I’m a quiet introvert (though I DO try to be social and do things where I can meet new people), and I often get ignored when I’m with a group.
I consider myself reasonably well-kempt and I do make some effort to keep in shape and look put-together, (and I am by no means ugly!) but again, no one looks up from their cell phones anymore. It’s nigh impossible to keep a one-sided conversation going, and the above-mentioned passivity is completely rampant.
[]
October 28, 2020
where you at, roughly
[]
October 28, 2020
I know eligible single LDS guys in many states
byutoolong
October 28, 2020
I was a BYU student around 2007-2008, the mobile device revolution. I remember that year distinctly because that was the year I noticed that a large percentage of people, maybe 30-50%, didn’t look at you as you walked by them on a nice warm Spring day. It skewed female.
Now, I’m continuously on campus again and I get about 1 out of 4-5 people who look at me as I walk by. Even fewer who smile back.
I think I’m saying that there’s a shortage of ways to express that male energy, or maybe a shortage of demand for it.
Bookslinger
October 29, 2020
I think the OP, E.C.’s last comment, and byutoolong’s comment tie into, and illustrate the premise of Dr. Charlton’s book “Addicted to Distraction.”
The addiction is not just the device/technology – an always-online handheld device – but the nature of the content and how the content is interacted with. Both content and delivery are intentionally designed to be addictive.
Available as Kindle and paperback at Amazon, and free online at
http://addictedtodistraction.blogspot.com/
The book includes a section of suggested withdrawal/detox steps.
A ladyfolk female person
October 29, 2020
I’ve been thinking about this post a lot in the last day and a half. I don’t think I agree that the female version is a sort passivity of being happy to catch one’s husband’s eye – it’s great when you can do that, of course, but the success is completely outside of a woman’s control – you can exercise, eat right, wear makeup, but if you wear the wrong pant size or splurge a little too much at the ward Christmas party, that’s it for you.
We are not here to be acted upon but to ACT.
G.
October 29, 2020
I take it you are a woman.
I am registering disagreement with what you are saying about the specifics of how things work without getting into details that might seem to bear a personal reflection.
I’m willing to believe that there may be other and better expressions of feminine energy than what I am saying.
A ladyfolk female person
October 29, 2020
I’m just thinking of all the women I know whose husbands’ flirtations with porn began when they were pregnant – not much one can do about that, even with all the prenatal yoga in the world. Male energy is all about striving and action, but if female energy is just “catching her husband’s eye,” and the eye in question is making poor choices, then you’re sunk.
The best female equivalent is probably something Relief Society-ish – the desire for community, for true one-ness with one’s spouse. I have been pondering on it this whole time and I still can’t figure it out, but I’ll let you know when I do.
G.
October 29, 2020
Likewise if the wife rejects her husband’s activity, then he is sunk. I am aware of several such cases.
Your thoughts are interesting and I await further developments