The Kindred Family
In earliest biblical culture, the family was more than a parent and child unit. It included all who were related by blood and marriage. This kindred family, as I prefer to call it, was strongly linked by natural affection and the patriarchal priesthood. The elderly were venerated for their experience and wisdom. There were strength and safety in numbers, and, through love and support, members established solidarity and continuity.
-thus Brother J. Richard Clarke, Our Kindred Family, from the Sunday morning session of the April 1989 General Conference
“Strongly linked by natural affection and the patriarchal priesthood.” That’s right. (Read his whole talk, its good for the soul.)
Memory and the generations, that is what is best in life. The kindred family is what you were meant for.
Remember, the sealing power alone is not enough. It is essential but it is not enough. Any more than a marriage without children or without companionship would be a good marriage just because it was sealed in the temple. You must have ties. Start with the living. Visit each other. Write letters. Let your children know they are part of a clan.
I knew my grandparents when they were still not far from their prime. I was part of a massive gaggle of cousins when I was young, they are my friends today. My aunts and uncles are like the demigods of my childhood and now that I know them as more real, I still have not lost that touch of reverence for them. A great aunt took our family under her wing and I choke up right now thinking of her. I am blessed, and therefore I ought to bless my children, and teach them to bless theirs.
We live in rootless times. Single children of aging single parents who were themselves the single children of aging single parents. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents are stories like fairies. There is a rumor that they are real, but who believes that rumor? Look around you to see what that rootlessness causes.
The devil whispers “you are alone, you are alone” whereas Christ says “I am always with you,” and the angels also, and all our beloved family, both the living and the dead.
Aspire to a roomy house with simple furnishings where your grandchildren come to spend the summer, and a big garden and a big orchard in which they work. Aspire to have your parents near you as they grow too old.
Once you catch the vision and have experienced it from the inside, you can’t go back again. It’s like coming in from the weather.
Related Posts on the Sunday Morning Session of the April 1989 General Conference
Nuclear and Extended Families
Rethinking My Writing With Elder Maxwell
Hurt while trying to help
Filed under: Deseret Review | Tags: General Conference Odyssey, LDS
bruce charlton
July 28, 2020
While it is not (for another couple of generations, even with the best societal will) possible for this state of things to be realised by most people in The Developed World – it is one of the single most dismaying things about our society to consider how (apparently) very few people even aspire to some such ideal vision of mortal life. Quite the reverse, in many of the most public and influential of instances. Unless repented; this seems like self-damnation in action – i.e. their justice will be that they will get what they want.
E.C.
July 28, 2020
You are basically describing my life experience – down to the “roomy house . . . with a big garden and a big orchard . . .”
Even though I’m single, I am a daughter and granddaughter, a sister, an aunt to many nieces and nephews – a cousin (and second cousin; due to several late marriages, most of them are closer to my age), a niece, etc. etc.
Not only that: I have two best friends whose families, though unrelated by blood, are basically family to our family by now. We’ve kept in touch and made a real effort to visit for important occasions such as mission farewells and returns.
Interestingly, in the last three years, most of my siblings and friends’ families have started moving back home. We plan family dinners, and borrow and return, and argue (only sometimes), and drop by to chat . . . Loneliness can never be lasting when you have a kindred family. Like them or not, they’ll always be there for you.
garff
July 28, 2020
When you come from a multi-generational divorced family, you have it (quite literally, I believe) physically built in from childhood to flee from this ideal. Satan barely has to try, the flesh already cannot take the pain of family.
G.
July 29, 2020
@ Bruce Charlton,
well said. I am not going to achieve the ideal myself. But it is better to long for the ideal family and not have one than not to long.
@E.C.,
if you and your family didn’t exist, we would have to invent you.
@garff,
Even unto the fourth generation . . . if there is a fourth generation
E.C.
July 29, 2020
@ garff,
I sorrow for you. I’ve seen the effects of divorce in other families – and our own. The contention that comes with divorce is palpably painful. I pray that you and yours can heal the generational hurt.
@ G,
I find my close and distant relations alike delightfully eccentric. I’m not sure I could invent better ones if I tried. 🙂
We have our problems like any other family, but man, there are some moments that make up for those tenfold. If you trust him to, God provides like the merry dickens.
Evenstar
July 30, 2020
I take comfort in the fact that maiden aunt is an honorable role and I choose to embrace it.