The Cult of Nice: The Cruelty of Refusing to ask Hard Things

Years ago, my grandmother smoked cigarettes. Even as a child, I knew this was bad for her, so I tried everything I could to convince her to quit. Eventually it killed her.

Would I have loved my grandmother if I hadn’t asked her to do something very hard? What if I had softened the truth, so as not to offend her? What if I told her the laws of health didn’t apply to her? Is there any possible way for me to have had real genuine love for my grandmother, without asking her to do what is difficult?

No, there is not.

Refusing people hard things to do, is refusing them the Grace of God. God will strengthen us, but not while we do not stretch ourselves.

Elder Bednar shares a story about a man who went into the mountain woods, to cut firewood.

So he decided he would cut and haul a supply of firewood for their home. It was in the autumn of the year, and snow already had fallen in the mountains where he intended to find wood. As he drove up the mountainside, the snow gradually became deeper and deeper. My friend recognized the slick road conditions presented a risk, but with great confidence in the new truck, he kept going.

Sadly, my friend went too far along the snowy road. As he steered the truck off of the road at the place he had determined to cut wood, he got stuck. All four of the wheels on the new truck spun in the snow. He readily recognized that he did not know what to do to extricate himself from this dangerous situation. He was embarrassed and worried.

My friend decided, “Well, I will not just sit here.” He climbed out of the vehicle and started cutting wood. He completely filled the back of the truck with the heavy load. And then my friend determined he would try driving out of the snow one more time. As he put the pickup into gear and applied power, he started to inch forward. Slowly the truck moved out of the snow and back onto the road. He finally was free to go home, a happy and humbled man.

Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease, Elder Bednar, 2014

Elder Bednar’s talk is excellent and I highly recommend it.

Again from Elder Bednar’s talk

Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness. Because our individual load needs to generate spiritual traction, we should be careful to not haul around in our lives so many nice but unnecessary things that we are distracted and diverted from the things that truly matter most.

That traction comes from a load, and we will need that traction at some point in our lives. If we are so short-sighted as to deny people a load, we also deny them the traction they will need later in their lives.

There are compensatory blessings, for obedience leading to other blessings withheld, such as the person who is chaste in an immoral world. Those compensatory blessings can result in enhanced spiritual growth and power. The greater the sacrifice, the greater the blessings. “Sacrifice brings forth the Blessings of Heaven.”

God enjoys blessing us. And He knows that what He asks is sometimes very difficult.  But what he promises is out of proportion to what we do.

For thus saith the Lord—I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end D&C 76:5

There is no case where the Wicked suffer less than the Righteous. They might have more fun in the short term. Some suppose God enjoys suffering or is some kind of ascetic. Nothing is further from the truth. He is anxious to bless us, but He also understand what will and will not bring us happiness. God will bless the Righteous, or those who struggle to be with more than they can comprehend.

God can make our burdens light. All our burdens.

13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

Mos. 24:13-15

How close are we to the Savior? Some things are are shown by difficult experience, how close, or not, we actually are. But when we actually are close to him, He can make His commandments easy. By experience, I can say, this will involve a lot of prayer, repentance, dedication to the Lord.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28–30).

A yoke is a instrument of burden, but is is one that the Savior is with us, suffering with us. He can make it light, because He is pushing with us. And just as we feel God in us, the Savior feels us in Him. He feels, and continues to feel, all our suffering. He is with us when we suffer. He is not absent, merely coming by once a month to pick up the rent check.

The covenants God offers us, are not merely transactional, they are transformational.
And He is too loving to leave us as we are.
He will ask difficult things, and He will transform us.