In Spring the Gardener Finds Out Death

Is that your own composition, Adam?

Beautiful either way.

Excuse me a moment. Damn photoreceptors fogging up again. Must be this spring weather.

I wrote it this morning. Its rough and abrupt, not unlike the manner of her going.

I thought about replacing “discover” with “finds out,” but I couldn’t come up with a suitable replacement for the “finds” in the next line. Maybe “knows.” “Learns” is a lot of alliteration, and I’ve learned I have no ear for how much alliteration is too much.

[Update–“discover” changed to ‘finds out’]

[Update–“smoothed” changed to “dried”]

Adam, please consider submitting this to WIZ.

pk.wizadmin@gmail.com

Every time I read a remembrance like this, I hug my kids a little harder that day.

Adam,

Would it be too extraordinarily weird if I said that I envy you?

If you think about it long enough, I think you’ll come to understand what I’m saying.

Self-knowledge chokes self-envy.

I’m not sure I understand Vader’s envy. I am where Adam was years ago, mourning the loss of a young daughter to cancer. I think of you often, Adam, and wonder when the daily pain will subside, when I can hear Clara’s favorite primary songs and not have to leave the room.

This world isn’t good enough for some of God’s greatest children.

Brian,

My thinking can be summed up in the old chestnut, “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Worth a read:

“Grief is the natural by-product of love.”

http://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/02/the-refining-fire-of-grief?lang=eng

A revised and improved version:

http://wilderness.motleyvision.org/2013/the-gardener-finds-out-death-by-adam-greenwood/

Thanks, Adam.

To add: While my daughter is still alive, after almost 21 years, I still grieve the loss of the life with her that I’d anticipated.

Adam, this poem struck chords in me for that reason. It mattered to be able to work with you on it.