What-if LDS Children of Record

It is absolutely baffling to me why LDS families aren’t bigger. We know why we’re here, we know there are so many more that need to come to earth, why aren’t we having larger families? We are commanded to be fruitful and multiply, and when God gives a command he prepares a way for us to keep that command. It takes faith to have babies, not time or money.
I’m not disrespecting or condemning any who want children but are physically unable to have them. My own grandma wanted 12 but was able to have only two (1926 & 1928). But too many get to three or four and say that’s enough, I can’t handle any more. Have you asked the Lord to help you? Another pet peeve of mine is the waiting. I recently attended a baby shower for a new sister in our branch. During the shower she casually mentioned that they had been married for five years. I thought, good grief I had three children by the time I’d been married five years. And then she talked about her baby in daycare. WHAT? You waited that long and then went back to work??? Why bother having a baby if you aren’t going to stay home and enjoy seeing him/her grow, and nurture him/her the whole time. Poor baby!!
No woman gets to the end of her life and wishes she’d had fewer children. Most wish for more!
Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox.

Hello Rozy, this is my first time commenting here. This topic means so much to me. My parents were married in the church but divorced when I was a kid and my mom stopped attending. My husband and I got baptized in 2021. We already have 4 young children and would like a few more. Since coming back to church I’ve become really disillusioned with the way the culture looks. I see members having very small families and careerism in women. I’ve been pondering since then what can be done. One thing I think would help is valuing the extended family more and getting help from them. It’s so exhausting physically and mentally taking care of little ones. I see so many transplants families from other states in my area. I know they’re moving here because of work or cheap housing but I think having help from a grandmother or aunt is of so much more value. I know those families would disagree with me but the end result is the woman gets worn down and wants to be done having babies. These are just my impressions.

There are so many variables that we can’t fully appreciate.

Here’s an interesting conclusion of one study:

“Among women ages 18–35 with two kids, about 9.36% give birth each year, but having both the older kids bound by car-seat laws reduces that by about 0.73 percentage points”

But we all know birth control is the main driver for the decline, and each subsequent generation drifts an little farther as fewer and fewer children becomes the social norm.

In reality, the reason we have sexual desire is because far less would choose to mate and raise children of they had no almost uncontrollable physical desire to do so. In fact, we are kinda getting an experiment right now if how many would choose to reproduce if we didn’t have sexual desire to begin with by living in a world where we mostly have children on demand, not as natural consequence of following natural desires.

When it’s all said and done, birth control will likely be right up there with the worst wars in history at damaging mankind. It’s not just the lives that will never come into existence that we lose, but those that are “left” behind are infinitely poorer for it.

And I say this as someone who utilizes birth control, but still has more kids than most. There’s no doubt that birth control could be used to regulate reproductive cycles and still have a lot of children. But who really knows if that’s even better. Even for the health of a woman, who knows if it’s better. Are birth control using women having more or less emotional problems than geberations passed? My understanding is breast cancer rates are going up, but survival rates are increasing with technology. I don’t buy at all that we are just detecting better. Breastfeeding reduces cancer rates. I’m sure there are similar trends with other properly functioning usage of the reproductive system vs hacking it “for health”.

No doubt our innovations are great at the margin where there are real issues. But when that margin moves to the center of the bell curve it seems likely we’ve made things worse.

Rozy,
we aren’t letting you off the soapbox!

MVT,
Thank you so much for your valuable comment. I feel EXACTLY the same frustration. We have this beautiful heritage of large families that everyone seems intent on squandering for no good reason. BTW, I think you’ve really hit something with the extended family idea. I know from experience it makes a big difference, especially if the support network in your neighborhood or even your ward for having a generous family isn’t there any more, which can make a mother feel very alone. I think its important that grandparents think of themselves as the parents of an extended family and act accordingly.

We’ve used birth control too, but we have some of the same questions as you. I’m now basically opposed to hormonal birth control except when there’s a medical condition. Ditto condoms. Even for purely secular reasons, I would advise against anything except IUDs.

But even there I wonder about the wisdom of it. We are going through an extinction level event right now. More lineages are being ended than ended in the black plague.

We only have three children; my wife has had some chronic health problems throughout our marriage, and she didn’t really like children to begin with. After two pregnancies she thought we were done, but the Lord told her directly to have another, so we did.

When I hear people lamenting about how few children people are having these days, I remind myself that we at least produced more than a replacement-level number, and also can’t help seeing how each of our children was born at the same time the general birth trends took another downward turn (most notably when the recession started in 2008).

My wife and I have two (12 & 10) and desperately want more. She got really sick in 2014 and will likely be on medication for life. I am not certain, but I strongly suspect the medication is causing infertility. But without the medication, she could die. We have been fasting and praying for six years for more kids.

Every time someone asks me how many kids I have, and I tell them a boy and a girl, they always say how perfect it would be to have one of each. I feel like they are approving of my barely replacement level choice when in reality my soul weeps for the lack of the other children I both want and feel like I should have.

@ MVT,
My sister almost died during pregnancy this go-around (thankfully, both she and the baby are safely delivered as of yesterday, but she spent the last two months in the hospital on bed rest). If we hadn’t been a half-hour away, and my mother willing to tend her other four children, I am honestly not sure what they would have done, though their ward is very supportive and has helped them in the past. So I agree that moving away from a family support network would definitely prevent some couples from wanting more children.

@E.C. Wow, yes, that is exactly the kind of thing where support is so important. Thank goodness she had all of you to help her.

@MVT Thanks for your comment. I never lived near family the whole time we raised our five. In fact, my husband was not a member until we had three, and after that he was inactive more than he was active for many years. I felt like a single mom most of the time. But I never used that as an excuse because I would think of women pioneers who lost their husbands on the plains and had to struggle on by themselves. Some wards have members who are more giving and helpful than others. I try to be the kind of member I wished had helped me when I was alone at church. And strangely, some mothers don’t want any help and are resentful of offers. I’ve been burned a few times. But you’re correct that we need a supportive culture at church that encourages families of every size.
@the_archduke My heart goes out to you! Longing for children is so painful. My grandma longed her whole life too. She felt rather cheated. But out of the two she had came 12 grandchildren and I’ve lost count of the greats, and great-greats. Her posterity is huge, and we all call her blessed. Yours will too!

Rozy,
I love what you say and I agree completely. I am sad to say that expressing these views would probably be frowned on by most members of my ward, and even some members of my family. I wish we were reminded more about the central purpose that childbearing and childrearing plays in the Plan of Salvation. Godhood is parenthood. If we reject one, we reject the other. I understand that many good faithful members struggle with being unable to have children, and that is a big reason why we don’t talk about it. But we need to strike back against the dominant voice of the world that discourages marriage and children. We need to strike back at it as loudly and as often as we can. I try to emphasize it with my children.

Childbearing is loadbearing.

I am grateful for the very honest comments here.

In Deseret they once stocked quivers full,
And with their children they were wealthy then.
But love of comfort stole into their homes
And Brother Brigham’s voice was faint and dim.
A new god in the mountains was awake,
Who called the well-fed to his starving faith.
And Zion’s army’s fathers for his sake
In latex idols shot their sacred strength.
A barren pestilence rolled through the land
Unnoticed for the voluntary drought
As covenant mothers knocked away God’s hand
For wealth they’d have if they could do without.
I cry for what a multitude we’d be
if Utah parents hadn’t stopped at three.

I wish I could share the story of how my husband came to decide to “let God prevail” in the matter of how many children we had. Or, for that matter, how I came to it myself. It’s not the place for it, but there are miracles in it greater than I’d ever thought I’d see. We have ten children now. We will accept as many more as God will send, and count each one a blessing. We long to shout the truth and blessings of it from the housetops. But we don’t dare, for fear of causing offense or misunderstanding. We do try to teach it to our children. And we have shared some of the sacred experiences with them. But it is hard to convey such deep, sacred things to anyone, let alone someone who doesn’t want to/can’t/won’t understand. We don’t think we are more righteous than anyone else! But we just wish we could share what we have come to cherish so much.

A Mother,
you have had a very powerful experience that I wish more people knew was possible. I am afraid many dwindle and perish in family size limitation because they don’t know any better. I hope you find a way and a place to tell your story. We would be happy to help you publish it here if you like.