Plan A

My wife, Elizabeth Pack Mansfield, died last fall eleven months after receiving a diagnosis that the pain in her spine was due to metastasized kidney cancer. A few weeks before her death she wrote letters to me and each of the children, but months before that she began a second letter for our only daughter, now 10, to receive when she is older:

January 25, 2018 1:42 am-August 23, 2:02pm
Dear Miriam,
The Holy Ghost has let me know that I need to write a letter to you about being a mother. I hope to be alive while you are a mother—but especially if I am not, I need to share some truths and thoughts with you.

My own decision to become a mother went something like this– I have always loved children and playing with them. I also knew that bearing and raising children was the most important thing I could do with my life. I was also certain that I did not want my children in daycare—they would be given to me to raise, not to a daycare center. I wanted to be at home with my children. However, I also knew growing up, that I might not marry and that, even if I did, I might not be able to bear children, that it might take me a few years to have a baby or that my husband might not be able to stably support the family alone. In those cases, I knew I would want a good career. So with getting married and raising children as plan A, and having a well-paying interesting career as plan B, I went along through my older teen and young adult years.

In high school I got straight As and developed an interest in the sciences and music. From my parents I had received a good mind and a good work ethic. I received a full-tuition scholarship to BYU, where I majored in zoology with an emphasis in molecular biology with minors in German, music, and chemistry. I graduated with BYU University Honors and was the valedictorian for my summer graduation. I loved learning and wanted to learn literally everything! I have always loved the academic world—literally since kindergarten! Getting excellent grades in school opened many doors to me (scholarships, lab internships, graduate programs) plus I finished my masters degree with no school debt! You are very smart. I recommend that you apply yourself in school and get excellent grades. It will open many doors to you, that might otherwise be closed.

I served a mission in the Germany Munich mission from 8/91-3/93. It was a great experience, though very difficult. I recommend that you, Miriam, serve a mission if at all possible. When I finished my mission and returned to my home in Los Alamos, New Mexico; your father was working at the national laboratory there and we became acquainted. Some interest between us developed at the end of the summer and the relationship was continued via phone and letter while I finished my senior year at BYU. Meanwhile, he started his first year of a PhD program at the Johns Hopkins University. We became engaged via phone on Valentine’s Day 1994.

I was accepted to a PhD program at the Johns Hopkins University beginning Fall 1994. John and I did not want to put off having children, but we didn’t know how long it would take for us to have a baby and so I continued my graduate studies. Happily Anson was born 1/9/96! I stayed at home thereafter to care for him and returned to the lab only a few times to finish up my master’s thesis work. Joseph was born 5/13/97. I received my masters’ degree a couple of weeks later.

I have been a stay-at-home mom ever since. Although this has meant that our family has had less money, we have had more children and the blessings of God instead. Being a stay-at-home mom has been a great blessing in my life and the lives of my family. It has helped me consecrate my life to the church in raising a family in the gospel. And I hope to have all 6 children together with me in the celestial kingdom. As I have had cancer and evaluated my life recently, having 6 children, and having married John in the temple are two of the most satisfying things I have done. These will have eternal and positive value and consequences. I can spend eternity with them. I can’t spend eternity with money earned, projects finished, scientific discoveries made, houses built, etc.

As a stay-at-home mom, you can still do some interesting and worthwhile things on the side.
For example, I taught violin and piano lessons and I played with community orchestras. Your grandmother Marion Hassell Pack also taught violin lessons and played in community orchestras.

Having children and raising them is a lot of work, but it is work worth doing. Very few things in this life have an eternal value or are things that you can take with you into eternity.
I love you very much. Please choose to be a full-time mom, if you can. I know this is becoming harder; but it will bring so much happiness into the world and into your marriage and family.

Love,
Mom