Wokeness Herd Immunity

How’s Southern Virginia University doing?

“My kids are stout and sturdy. Doughty redoubts of goodly goodness. But who are they going to marry? It looks like a wasteland out there. Get your act together, friends.”

That summarizes my world. We have been working very hard to follow the prophets, and it has yielded good results in our children. But I do worry about who they will marry. Of course, part of that is also because our kids make up all the young men in the ward and most of the young women, so I don’t even know many other teenagers.

I mean, that’s been my question since I was old enough to marry. My father and brothers are good examples of what I want in a husband, but who can I find that’s like them?

Case in point: they lifted the mask mandate here in Utah, so the area presidency left procedural details up to the various stakes. Our YSA stake decided to lift the mask mandate during church activities/meetings, and as soon as that letter was read, one young man angrily left the chapel. My brother the EQ president sent him a worried message, and he said he wasn’t ‘comfortable’ coming back to church, even if they opened up an overflow room for those who preferred to still wear their masks.

Well.

Were the 1st century saints ‘comfortable’ with persecution? Probably not, but they decided to worship together despite the very real possibility of being thrown in with the circus’ wild beasts. Were the pioneers ‘comfortable’ as they crossed the plains to an unknown, unseen Zion? ‘Comfortable’, the covenant path is not. Moralistic therapeutic deism is ‘comfortable’, but it is also mere treacle to the feast of fat things that Christ wants us to enjoy.

Okay, sorry, that was not very charitable of me. . . or to the point of the original post. It’s just that I don’t see that cowering in self-made paranoia and fear does to help. Also, I think that ‘safe’ is too high on most people’s priority lists these days. Which, actually, somewhat ties back into wokeness, the newest term for Satan’s plan of equitable non-salvation for everyone.

@EC: In-dee-ya.

No. Stop with that already, books.

Bless you guys. God loves you.

Locally the homeschooling (Catholic) Moms who started raising their kids together – weekly/monthly meetings at alternative parent-led groups – are now seeing their children wed. It worked out well and kept the peer groups sound, sane, and quite responsible young adults without any of the common hang-ups and brain cancers you see in young people.

Not dismissive of the concerns. I have young children and I am especially worried, but I’ve seen the long-game work out for some lately.

Yeah, my homeschooling group . . . did not work out like that. Two of the families have stayed close friends with ours, however, through at least four moves to other states. They’re all back within a half-hour’s drive now, which is delightful since they’re basically family at this point.

@ Books,
I realize that there are a disproportionate number of men in India. However, their culture is very patriarchal, and not in a healthy way. That’s a good part of the reason their gender ratio is so skewed. Yes, I want to get married, but not bad enough to deal with THEIR culture’s problems on top of ours.

This is where a “home-centered” church encounters a design flaw and goes the way of Robert E. Lee’s daughters.

“Oh, celibacy, where are thy charms!”—Mildred Lee

(link)None of Lee’s daughters ever married, and of all Lee’s daughter Mildred seemed to be the one who most regretted that this did not happen, although she was at least partly to blame for this. Mildred wrote admiringly about her father in her journal, “To me he seems a Hero—& all other men small in comparison.” Perhaps Mildred’s excessive admiration of her father came about in part because of the Lee cult, which was beginning to bloom during Mildred’s young adulthood and was in full bloom at the time that Mildred wrote those words. Nevertheless, it is clear from Mildred’s words that the unrealistically elevated stature that Mildred gave to her father probably played a significant role in Mildred never realizing the life she so desperately craved, and she put this regret into words after the possibility for that life had passed by her. It may also be that with her words comparing Lee to other men, Mildred was trying to rationalize, to the world and to herself, the failure in her life that she most regretted.

Home church isn’t a problem in principle. The issue comes when you partially offload some of the emphasis on the less popular doctrines to the home where they will be less legible to the woke mob. This works great, except many or even most LDS families don’t ‘get the joke’ and try to make their home church an extension of official church and de emphasize the same doctrines at a time when they need more emphasis.

The result is that ‘active LDS’ is no longer a reliable filter for prepped for and wanting an LDS marriage (young, lots of kids, no career for wife), which raises the search costs enormously and creates a need for alternate networks.

We are doing much better than gentiles, but so what? We still are just not serious enough about the crisis in family formation at any level

One “benefit” of the crisis in the Catholic church is that the relatively small group of traditional Catholics – where girls do strange things like wear dresses to church – almost exclusively attend Latin Mass. SJWs hate ancient languages, chants, and incense. It aggravates the demons possessing their minds or something. Anyway, it works as a strong group filter, further enhanced by the Church bureaucrats regularly persecuting and trying to shut down the small Latin Mass communities (anti-fragility or such).

I noticed over the past year with the birdemic, conservative Churches would stay open and the destroyers mostly stopped attending – so it worked quite well. Lately it has changed though as the diocese found out they were going completely broke.

So, your concern is not that your daughters lack venues to become familiar with young men in your stake and region; your concern is that there are no young men in your stake or region preparing to become proper husbands?

@G:

As the Church pares down to its core functionality of things only it can do, its ward and stake communities fragment into like-minded tribes. The covid-excused restrictions have only accelerated that fragmentation for most of us. New relationships and communities must be created and strengthened to fulfill now-extramural purposes, and some church members are doing this while others passively absorb the world’s descent into meaninglessness and death.

I’m grateful for the communities I do have (including this blog’s comment section), but I don’t know whether there is or can be a one-size-fits-all approach on how to build them or find thought kin.

This is sounding a bit like Wesley’s revival movement. At first located well within the Church of England, eventually Methodism split away. Troubling if it is coming to this.

Yes, but
1) with the declining birth rates there really aren’t enough use in my ward and stake anyway so we’re talking beyond that and
2) it’s not that there are no young men at all, it’s that we can’t rely on them being filtered anymore so we have to figure out some kind of way to filter on our own

John Wesley I am not

I really appreciate this idea. My natal family is quite spread out. This post and others make me wonder if that is a good thing. My oldest, a daughter, is coming up on 14. I wonder about the density of good peers. And with BYU apparently collapsing, I worry about marriage prospects.

I have started to pray for my kids’ future spouses.

I have started to think more seriously about missionary work and how to convert others and increase real conversion among those who are already members. I am praying for guidance here as well. One idea that I have had is to use recreation – biking, camping, and similar outdoor activities – as a means to build strong relationships with strong families.

I see current church movement not only as stepping down from certain activities, but also an invitation to members to develop small groups that will (hopefully) be robust to society fragmenting. I worry about the same things others here worry about – I think G’s comment regarding what needs to be emphasized and “not getting the joke” is especially poignant – but I also wonder how much of the shift is prophetic. I wonder if there is no other way.

I am afraid of what this means. But I also remember that we are to stand in holy places, be still, and fear not, but believe.

All of which is to say “thanks.” There are good, meaty and practical ideas here. Ideas that I need to chew on and practices I need to implement.

It is terrifying to think that I may have to act as matchmaker. I was hoping to outsource that particular assignment.

I’m on the beginning of the end of this process. My children are starting to fly out of the nest with the first one already married. I think it’s important to remember that even though the situation looks grim on a macro level, that on a personal level, the Lord is aware of each of our needs, and he will provide for our stalwart children in his time and in in his way. The situation is not more difficult than when Isaac’s servant went and found Rebekah, or when Jacob wed Rachel.

So, we need an extra-ecclesiastical organization to do what the church can’t and which individual families can’t either. It could be called “Future Fathers in Israel/Future Mothers in Zion.” It would carry on the teachings of Kimball, Benson, Hunter, and Hinckley on family formation that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can no longer deliver to the world nor to its unreceptive members. Making clear the family model that it is promoting (marry young, have several children, live on the husband’s income and allow the wife to stay out of the labor market, no divorce, keep unpolluted), FFI/FMZ would facilitate exchanges bringing together the older youth and young adults in families who want these things, and young individuals who may stumble into a desire to seek the blessings of the fathers.

Kristin – Thanks for that perspective.

Kristin, thank you very much!

I think it is worth noting that Bishops have been forcefully told to focus on the youth. Also, FSY conferences are a thing. Of course it is not enough – but, I think part of the message is that Church will not be enough. Our families must be as much home centered as our Primary, Young Men’s and Young Women’s groups.

To the extent that we are able, in our own sphere of influence, we need to make Church groups home centered also. Church must support the home. It is not just a catchphrase.

And how will those reared in home-centered homes pair with partners, who are currently centered in other homes? What is the home-centered concept of courtship and non-solitary activity leading to courtship?

I’m not married, I don’t have children, so I don’t have as much of a stake in this as the rest of you. But I do worry for my nieces and nephews. I love them and I want their futures to be bright in Christ.

@G: Aye, Cap’n.

How about a gdoc or some sort of samizdat with marriage resumes? Maybe with an essay component.

This book is very on topic… about retaining the upcoming generation, and preparing them for leadership, and to be ministering brothers and sisters (ie, home-teachers and visiting-teachers in old-speak). I’m thinking of you parents with teens at home.

I haven’t finished it. Just skimming, as I want to get the word out
while it is still free. It showed up on my bookbub feed just yesterday.

Same deal, same caveats as some previous recommendations:
Look for the gems (a re-wording of what we hear at Gen Conf), stay out of the weeds (ie, it’s not perfect), translate it to the Restoration paradigm.

It’s the re-worded expressions of restored doctrines that give them an extra oomph, IMO, sort of clearing the cob-webs. These re-wordings may help you bridge the generation gap to your teens.

www. amazon. com/Gods-Armor-Bearer-Next-Generation-ebook/dp/B087ZNJQFB

I broke the URL on purpose; take out the two spaces. If you can’t copy/paste/edit, go to amazon and search for: God’s Armor Bearer for the Next Generation by Terry Nance. The ebook is currently free, the print edition is not. I am not recommending the print edition.

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Don’t think of armor-bearer as one who merely helps the champion suit up. His definition includes all those who fight along side (sustain and support) the leader. We are all to be armor-bearers to the EQ pres, RS pres, bishop, etc. Adults are armor-bearers to them. Your children are armor-bearers to you.

I’m not saying the book is an exact correlate or cognate to the Restored church. But I think it can give a fresh perspective, and some fresh vocabulary to get both older and younger people out of the “thinking-rut” or cultural lethargy that many of us are in.

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E.C.: Please get this and read or skim, if you can fit it in. Please let us know if you think the author knows how to communicate with “churched” (any church) members of your generation. (The book is not directed at non-believers at all.) Thx.

We-ell. I can provide 10 lovely, conservative-leaning, homeschooled children that will be available every couple years for the next 10 years. 🙂 Except I’m not really as confident as all that. I DO a have wonderful kids…so far. I’m giving them everything I can and I still worry it won’t be enough. You all seem so sure your kids will turn out to be the good ones (to be clear, I am not criticizing/questioning this confidence…just envying it a bit). I know people like Rozy, for example, who has a wonderful relationship with her adult children and gave them so much gospel immersion when young…they have still left the faith. I feel terrified for my15 year old son, who in spite of everything has always had a strong will of his own, and is now grumpily resisting church and everything we try to teach him. (Admittedly it is just to parents so far…his teachers/leaders still say he’s a great kid). It keeps me up at night and I don’t know how to solve it. Add to that that I don’t know how one would POSSIBLY matchmake (how could you control an adult child? Sure, you could hope they’d love and respect you enough to listen but…that’s just not our culture, I have a hard time imagining even my most compliant child getting on board, and honestly I’m not sure I WOULD be able to choose someone better suited unless I knew that person very well, and had inspiration…is a parent entitled to that FOR their child?) Anyway. All that to say, I’d love to say “my kids will be too good for anyone else”, and I DO sort of still believe that, but I am none too sure that someone else won’t be the one bemoaning that their daughter married my surly son. So my only hope is, like Kristen above said, praying praying praying and hoping the Lord will somehow provide…and God help us all. Parenting is scarier and more fraught with heartache than I ever imagined…and my kids are only starting to leave the nest. I wish I could be as sunny and hope-filled as when I only had babies and toddlers, and was sure my parenting would bring them all through the darkness unscathed.

I can’t count on success but I can plan for it.

NB, I don’t think my kids will turn out ideal in every way. They may be surly. I just mean they will have the traditional LDS package of wanting to have kids over career.

Yeah. Yeah. For sure, I hope so too. But even that…my older boys sometimes say things like “I only want a few kids” or “I don’t want so many!” They’ve had SUCH a happy childhood. They know they have. And yet having a big family still just sounds HARD to them (they’ve seen some hard parts!) and why would they choose hard? On purpose? I can only hope they’ll mature, learn what I’ve learned, glimpse the eternal worth I’ve glimpsed… but all my efforts have not GIVEN that to them like I’d hoped they would.

Yes, our kids, especially the younger ones, occasionally say stuff like that.

Then we laugh at them, haha, are you some kind of gentile loser, and then we talked to them about stuff like you said, how happy they were and how much satisfaction we have as parents

@ G & a worried mother,
You might also try to show (not tell!) them what a good, settled sibling relationship is like in the older generations. There are few things so fun as realizing that you have ready-made friends with similar interests that came from your own home and share the same experiences! It only took my brothers . . . oh, about fifteen years to realize that they actually DO have a lot in common. And I hear through the grapevine that my older siblings are a tad bit jealous of the way me and my youngest brother support each other and our parents. Not that we don’t have rough days . . . and weeks . . . and months. But they’re a lot easier to bear when someone else is there to lift with you.

My oldest got a lot more excited when I framed it as having a lot of cousins. When reading about the Jaredites we calculated they would have enough cousins to fill up a whole elementary school – which he thought would be amazing.