Junior Ganymede
We endeavor to give satisfaction

Turn off the Radiator

June 14th, 2017 by Bertie

I’m hot under the collar.  I mean that literally.  The dear old collar is bedewed with the sweat of Bertram’s brow, earned not with honest toil but from this blooming heat.  How in the middle of hocking all their little sundries to the Chineman these Yanks can afford to pay such a whopping great heating bill is beyond me.  One wishes like billy-o for a dashed cooling breeze.

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June 14th, 2017 07:26:39

The Hollywood of the West Coast

May 26th, 2017 by G.

Hollywood is Hollywood for stupid people.

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May 26th, 2017 09:39:43

L’affaire North Korea

April 19th, 2017 by Bertie

Viz. these recent contretemps out Korea way, I will advance no observations, not being one of those brainy international affairs chappies who like nothing better than to roll up their sleeves and pitch in to an foreign entanglement before breakfast.  I did have some hopes that through the good offices of Jeeves and self, something could be done about the sartorial stylings of Kim-Jong Wassname, which cause strong men to wince.  But the dashed State Department flat refused.  Lack of vision, I expect, eh, what?

So now I come to the res, or gravamen, of my remarks.  Nork is fun to say.  Nork, nork, nork.  Its dashed lulzy and rather trips off the tongue.

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April 19th, 2017 06:43:21

Bad Associations

April 17th, 2017 by G.

Three boys are singing in your church.  Ages 4-9.  The 4-year old is really belting.  Their song is called “Gethsemane,” and you are really enjoying it.  It has a folk/pop simplicity to it that fits the singers.  It involves a lot of repetition of the word Gethsemane.

But there is a niggling reminder of something else.  You work at it for a bit and finally you bring it up.

Stonehenge, by Spinal Tap.

You cram that association back into the bottle.

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April 17th, 2017 06:23:38

Signalling All the Way Down

April 12th, 2017 by Patrick Henry

On the exotic fringes of the intellectual right, there are monarchists and all sorts of things. Well, guys, its been a good run, and I’m sorry to say that I am about to launch the killer meme that will eliminate your movement.

Imagine there’s a king. Now imagine, as surely they will, all the social justice warriors and grubby little careerists have simply transferred their virtue signalling from Progress to royalty. (more…)

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April 12th, 2017 06:40:27

My Apologies

March 20th, 2017 by G.

Odin hired a new secretary.  She exceeded expectations in ever particular–except she returned Microsoft Word to its presets.  All of Odin’s carefully built up hotkeys for runes and such were lost.  He had a word with her, and then began restoring his Office suite.  But she did it again!

Although Odin’s first thoughts were wrathful, he reflected that in all other respects, she really was an excellent secretary.  So he asked the Norns to destine her each day not to mess with his customization of Microsoft Word.  The Norns obliged, and all went along swimmingly.

Until one fatal day one of the Norns was sick, and the destiny was not wrought.  What did the secretary do?  Yep.  Norn the less, she presetted.

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March 20th, 2017 14:20:13

The Greatest Speeches Never Made

March 17th, 2017 by G.

The Junior Ganymede has come into exclusive possession of a lost draft of General Eisenhower’s Order of the Day for the invasion of Normandy.  

Historians of the era, students of rhetoric, and American patriots will all be amazed and delighted at this remarkable find.  Though a fuller analysis of the document must wait on the opinions of scholars, even the casual reader will wonder why so much of the vigorous and inspiring language of this draft did not make it into the version known to history: (more…)

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March 17th, 2017 05:43:56

What the Well-Dressed Couch is Wearing

March 03rd, 2017 by Bertie

Photo of Kellyanne Conway kneeling on Oval Office couch draws debate ...

 

Oh, I say, dash it!

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March 03rd, 2017 06:36:58

The Internet of Things

February 16th, 2017 by G.

“I say, Jeeves,” I said, bounding into the room.  “I have a perfectly fruity idea.  A fellow at the Drones was telling me all about the internet of things.  It’s ripping.  We install it here at the flat and when you go off to do your annual shrimping down at thingummy beach, why, its almost like I will be having an cyber-valet.”

Jeeves did not skip gaily about the room.  He was not exactly gruntled.  If he did not technically give me the nolle prosequi, he came near as toucher.

“I venture to suggest, sir,” he said, “that you may be laboring under an misapprehension.”  As he explained it, the dashed internet of  things did not absolutely mix you a stiff brandy-and-s when it saw you drag in rather down in the dumpsish.  It seems the jolly ol’ setup is rather more in the wheelhouse of ordering you laundry detergent if it overhears you talking about Soapy Sid, or conveying your private conversations to fellows in the Punjab so they can better tailor advertisements to the tastes of Sahib.  Not to mention the hacker chappies, who sound rather like blighters.

“Jeeves,” I said magnanimously, raising my hand, “say no more about it.  If it not absolutely awsomesauce, I will forswear it.  Take it away and give it to the deserving poor.”

 

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February 16th, 2017 15:40:46

Identity theft

February 06th, 2017 by Vader

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February 06th, 2017 08:56:34

Literally Hitler

February 03rd, 2017 by Bertie

My club–the Drones, don’t you know–enjoys an exceptionally high level of repartee and, well, insight, dash it. When one subtracts out the flying rolls, one is left with dashed pearls of wisdom.

Just yestere’en, my pal Jocko, though generously imbibing bumperfuls of the blushful Hippocrene, was able to address the issues of the day with a straightforward pith. “Bertie,” he said, fastening on to the buttonholes of my lapel, “Bertie, auld bean, dae yon daft Yanks nae ken Trump cannae be Literally Hitler? He disnae e’en hae a wee mustarsh.”

Which I thought was putting it very well.

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February 03rd, 2017 10:38:06

The Sanctity of the National Mall Turf

January 24th, 2017 by Bertie

Any brainy coves out there on our beloved intertubes that can lend a hand on the matter of estimating crowd sizes? I backed a ring of punters on a book that Steggles made for the inaugural crowd, and now the dashed fellow is being dashed truculent. One notes a distinct lack of forthcomingness in re one’s winnings, what, what, what?

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January 24th, 2017 08:01:18

His Majesty has become an author

January 12th, 2017 by Vader

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January 12th, 2017 16:38:25

The Second Parable of Rule

December 15th, 2016 by G.

Image result for medieval pilgrim

These build on each other.  We’ll start with the First Parable of Rule again.

(more…)

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December 15th, 2016 09:30:33

A less than healthy elite

December 13th, 2016 by Jeeves

I have had occasion to reflect on Lord Vader’s historical ruminations vis-a-vis Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman.

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December 13th, 2016 10:25:31