Junior Ganymede
We endeavor to give satisfaction

My Apologies

March 20th, 2017 by G.

Odin hired a new secretary.  She exceeded expectations in ever particular–except she returned Microsoft Word to its presets.  All of Odin’s carefully built up hotkeys for runes and such were lost.  He had a word with her, and then began restoring his Office suite.  But she did it again!

Although Odin’s first thoughts were wrathful, he reflected that in all other respects, she really was an excellent secretary.  So he asked the Norns to destine her each day not to mess with his customization of Microsoft Word.  The Norns obliged, and all went along swimmingly.

Until one fatal day one of the Norns was sick, and the destiny was not wrought.  What did the secretary do?  Yep.  Norn the less, she presetted.

Comments (5)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
March 20th, 2017 14:20:13

The Greatest Speeches Never Made

March 17th, 2017 by G.

The Junior Ganymede has come into exclusive possession of a lost draft of General Eisenhower’s Order of the Day for the invasion of Normandy.  

Historians of the era, students of rhetoric, and American patriots will all be amazed and delighted at this remarkable find.  Though a fuller analysis of the document must wait on the opinions of scholars, even the casual reader will wonder why so much of the vigorous and inspiring language of this draft did not make it into the version known to history: (more…)

Comments (0)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit,Deseret Review | No Tag
No Tag
March 17th, 2017 05:43:56

What the Well-Dressed Couch is Wearing

March 03rd, 2017 by Bertie

Photo of Kellyanne Conway kneeling on Oval Office couch draws debate ...

 

Oh, I say, dash it!

Comments (0)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
March 03rd, 2017 06:36:58

The Internet of Things

February 16th, 2017 by G.

“I say, Jeeves,” I said, bounding into the room.  “I have a perfectly fruity idea.  A fellow at the Drones was telling me all about the internet of things.  It’s ripping.  We install it here at the flat and when you go off to do your annual shrimping down at thingummy beach, why, its almost like I will be having an cyber-valet.”

Jeeves did not skip gaily about the room.  He was not exactly gruntled.  If he did not technically give me the nolle prosequi, he came near as toucher.

“I venture to suggest, sir,” he said, “that you may be laboring under an misapprehension.”  As he explained it, the dashed internet of  things did not absolutely mix you a stiff brandy-and-s when it saw you drag in rather down in the dumpsish.  It seems the jolly ol’ setup is rather more in the wheelhouse of ordering you laundry detergent if it overhears you talking about Soapy Sid, or conveying your private conversations to fellows in the Punjab so they can better tailor advertisements to the tastes of Sahib.  Not to mention the hacker chappies, who sound rather like blighters.

“Jeeves,” I said magnanimously, raising my hand, “say no more about it.  If it not absolutely awsomesauce, I will forswear it.  Take it away and give it to the deserving poor.”

 

Comments (1)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
February 16th, 2017 15:40:46

Identity theft

February 06th, 2017 by Vader

Comments Off on Identity theft
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
February 06th, 2017 08:56:34

Literally Hitler

February 03rd, 2017 by Bertie

My club–the Drones, don’t you know–enjoys an exceptionally high level of repartee and, well, insight, dash it. When one subtracts out the flying rolls, one is left with dashed pearls of wisdom.

Just yestere’en, my pal Jocko, though generously imbibing bumperfuls of the blushful Hippocrene, was able to address the issues of the day with a straightforward pith. “Bertie,” he said, fastening on to the buttonholes of my lapel, “Bertie, auld bean, dae yon daft Yanks nae ken Trump cannae be Literally Hitler? He disnae e’en hae a wee mustarsh.”

Which I thought was putting it very well.

Comments (1)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
February 03rd, 2017 10:38:06

The Sanctity of the National Mall Turf

January 24th, 2017 by Bertie

Any brainy coves out there on our beloved intertubes that can lend a hand on the matter of estimating crowd sizes? I backed a ring of punters on a book that Steggles made for the inaugural crowd, and now the dashed fellow is being dashed truculent. One notes a distinct lack of forthcomingness in re one’s winnings, what, what, what?

Comments (3)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
January 24th, 2017 08:01:18

His Majesty has become an author

January 12th, 2017 by Vader

Comments Off on His Majesty has become an author
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
January 12th, 2017 16:38:25

The Second Parable of Rule

December 15th, 2016 by G.

Image result for medieval pilgrim

These build on each other.  We’ll start with the First Parable of Rule again.

(more…)

Comments (1)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | Tags: , ,
December 15th, 2016 09:30:33

A less than healthy elite

December 13th, 2016 by Jeeves

I have had occasion to reflect on Lord Vader’s historical ruminations vis-a-vis Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman.

(more…)

Comments (11)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | Tags: ,
December 13th, 2016 10:25:31

The Amazing All-New Cub Scout Diet

December 12th, 2016 by G.

You can eat as much as you want . . . as long as its great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts. Spoons optional.

Comments (2)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
December 12th, 2016 10:43:53

Angina Monologue 33

December 11th, 2016 by Vader

His Majesty was in a rather pleasant mood this morning.

(more…)

Comments (3)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit,Deseret Review | No Tag
No Tag
December 11th, 2016 14:49:26

The Essential Bruce Charlton reading list.

November 26th, 2016 by Bookslinger

Comments (1)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | Tags: ,
November 26th, 2016 07:55:11

It’s tough being an evil overlord nowadays

November 14th, 2016 by Vader

fluffy

Comments Off on It’s tough being an evil overlord nowadays
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
November 14th, 2016 17:50:40

With the Bundy’s at their Country Place

October 26th, 2016 by Bertie

My Aunt Agatha has crust to end all crusts.  One can only goggle at the sang-froid with which she puts across her desires that some poor innocent toad beneath the harrow engage in enterprises of the scaliest.  As the Americans would say, bless her heart.

As is often the case, what, what, what, the recent toad beneath the harrow was one Bertie Wooster.  “Bertie,” she said, “I wish you to join the Oregon militia stand-off under false pretenses as an informant for the FBI”

“Why, I say,” I said, “dash it.  This is the limit.  The absolute frozen limit.  What earthly reason should I have for embroiling myself in those contretemps?”

She fixed me with her steely gaze.  “Because I wish it,” she said.  Or perhaps hissed would be the mot juste.

As Jeeves would put it, vowing that I would ne’er consent, I consented.

It was rather jolly.  I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the great bulk of my fellow militia men were also undercover fellows.  It was rather in the nature of a costume party.  Next time I shall go as Pierrot.

A good time was had by all and sundry.

Comments (11)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit | No Tag
No Tag
October 26th, 2016 10:00:28