Junior Ganymede
We endeavor to give satisfaction

The Rotten Lot of Them

November 17th, 2017 by Bertie

“Jeeves,” I said, “run a gimlet eye over this spot of composition.  I’ve had a dash at the old ink and pen–”

“You have handed me what appears to be an Ipad, sir,” Jeeves interjected.

I drew myself up. “Not actually ink and pen, Jeeves.  One speaks metaphorically, Jeeves,” I replied.  “As I was saying, run your eye over the old ink and pen, or if you prefer it, the old electron and screen, and suggest a few touch-ups.  You know the sort of thing.  The apt phrase, the sockdologer word, the mot juste.”  I decided to apply a bit of the old oil.  “You are a deft hand at this sort of thing, what, what?”

He perused my authorial swottings.

“Have you committed some transgression against the female sex, sir?”

“Well, no, dash it.  Preux as ever.  Given the well known temper of la fiancee, if anything more so.  Come, come, Jeeves, you are fully apprised that the Wooster approach to the distaff half abounds with chivalry and what not.  I’m positively known for it.  If Galahad had a colored rubber wrist band, not that he would, it would have said What Would Wooster Do.”

“Quite, sir.  I would not have ventured to suggest otherwise, had not this composition appeared to be a mealy-mouthed half apology for loutish behavior.”

My cheeks flushed with pleasure.    Jeeves is usually more stinting in his praise. “Do you really think so, Jeeves?  Dash it all, that’s capital.  Do you really think its that good?”

His other eyebrow rose a full 1/8 inch.  “I don’t understand, sir.”

“Jeeves, for the love of Pete!  One values your knowledge of this and that, trouser creases and gig lines and perfect necktie knots like the kind Michelangelo would have sculpted if he had sculpted neckties–but I grow lyrical–to return to the res, one doesn’t expect you to be au courant with every dashed punctilio of the bleeding edge of men’s fashion but surely even you have heard of the trend in question.  The mealy-mouthed half apology for loutish behavior is all the rage these days.  First one issues one, then a few days later a fuller one, then a few days later one checks into a festive little clinic for rehab treatment or some such.  That, Jeeves, is the fashionable program, which yours truly intends to follow a la foot of la letre.  Scroll down a bit, you’ll see the fuller apology there below.  I think it has just the right touch of regret mixed with swank and bluster.”

Jeeves features assumed their accustomed repose.

“I fear you have been imposed on, sir.  The practice you refer to is not a fashion.  The men you have in mind are simply long practitioners of behavior that no gentleman would countenance, whose misdeeds are now coming to the public eye.”

“What, cads and bounders, the whole rotten lot of them?”

“I am afraid so, sir.  Indeed, I venture to suggest that many more remain to be exposed.”  Jeeves unbent a little.  “If I might indulge in a paraphrase of scripture, sir, I expect that our situation is not dissimilar to that of the Queen of Sheba.  ‘The half has not been told us, sir.'”

I was shocked to my core.  When next I spoke, my voice had a touch of manly steel in it.  “If ever those blighters venture near the Drones Club, I shall pelt them with very hard rolls.”


Comments (10)
Filed under: We transcend your bourgeois categories | No Tag
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November 17th, 2017 07:03:28

November 17, 2017

D&C 1:3 And the rebellious shall be pierced with much sorrow; for their iniquities shall be spoken upon the housetops, and their secret acts shall be revealed.

November 17, 2017

I am certain that we haven’t heard the tenth of it. Our culture has been rotten for a long time. Now that a small part of that is being opened to the sunlight, the cockroaches will scurry!

November 17, 2017

It think it is the Aspen (Colorado) Times that has as its motto: “If you don’t want to see it in print, don’t let it happen.”

November 17, 2017

“Exposed.” Hujh huh huh huh.

Georgie Porgie
November 21, 2017

This post is a micro-aggression. Mods!

Sen. A. Franken
November 21, 2017

I’m groping to understand what you mean.

Rev. MacDonell
November 22, 2017

I often hear talk from my sheep “why has the Lord not struck down these evil men, why has not a great earthquake shorn off Holywood and its filth from our continent?”

Degenerate man thinks only of the present and counts time in years, decades at the most.

God has an eternal perspective. The present total degeneracy has been but a few decades, and the revealing of it perhaps will show forth onto those able the path of glory and save them from eternal hellfire.

Aunt Dahlia
November 23, 2017

Stick to “What the well-dressed man is wearing,” you young blot on the landscape!

December 8, 2017

What ho!

Good news, Bertie. Your mug is going to be a rather popular sight once more.


December 8, 2017

I shall follow that comic’s future career with much interest.

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