Junior Ganymede
We endeavor to give satisfaction

Please, Sir, Can I Have Another . . .

August 02nd, 2017 by G.

Doomerick?

When it comes to all things moral

there cannot be any quarrel

that our civ is toast

we cannot boast

of wearing the rectitude laurel.

and

I hope that the coming earthquake

will turn my back yard to a lake.

True, it’ll knock my house down

and level the town

but the bad with the good you must take.

 

Comments (6)
Filed under: Brilliantly Lit,Deseret Review | No Tag
No Tag
August 02nd, 2017 05:21:54
6 comments

Bruce Charlton
August 3, 2017

My feeling is that comic verse must either scan and rhyme perfectly (like WS Gilbert, AA Milne, Hilaire Belloc) – or else make an amusing virtue of its ‘clumsiness’ – as with Clerihews, or Don Marqis.

I would redo the second of these in the second way, e.g.

My hope is that the coming earthquake

will turn my back yard into a lake.

True, it’ll knock my house down

and level the town…

but the bad with the good is a thing you must take.


G.
August 3, 2017

We endeavor to give satisfaction, but not very hard.

But in this case, you are wrong. The stress is already good.

weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong
weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong
[true] weak weak strong weak weak strong
weak strong weak weak strong
[but] weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong

“true” and “but” don’t fit in, but there is a strong tradition in comic colloquial poetry that interjections and connectors of that sort can be apart from the rhythm.

Otherwise, its solid anapestic meter, with most of the first feet being truncated, but this is also common practice.


Pedant Pete
August 3, 2017

Please, sir. May I have another?


Huston
August 3, 2017

There was once a society Western
whose freedom and faith were the bestern,
but the first couldn’t matter
when they gave up the latter.
After that it did little but festern.


G.
August 3, 2017

Llol literally laughed out loud


seriouslypleasedropit
August 5, 2017

Oh dear Huston. That was awesome.

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