The Junior Ganymede has come into exclusive possession of a lost draft of General Eisenhower’s Order of the Day for the invasion of Normandy.
Historians of the era, students of rhetoric, and American patriots will all be amazed and delighted at this remarkable find. Though a fuller analysis of the document must wait on the opinions of scholars, even the casual reader will wonder why so much of the vigorous and inspiring language of this draft did not make it into the version known to history:
Soldiers, Sailors, and Airpersons of the Allied Expeditionary Force:
Critics say that we are about to embark on a great crusade. How wrong they are. We strongly reject all such insinuations that we are some kind of religious fundamentalists with anything but utter horror for the crimes of the past.
We condemn in the strongest possible terms the vile slanders that attempt to tar us by alleged “association” with the reactionary forces of the past. Never! We too are true Nazis who celebrate progress, like the Fall of France or Operation Barbarossa. How can the critics slander us like this when we denounce any so called “antifascist” fringe movement within our alliance. We were as shocked as anyone to discover that Prime Minster Churchill was a Naziphobe and we promptly expelled him. He in no way represents our proud movement.
In fact, the Germans are the true antifascists. We are the only true Nazis. Look how the excesses of the Germans have brought Nazism into disrepute. Nazism can only survive and thrive under our moderate, civil leadership. Only if the Allied forces succeed can we truly create a Nazism that is for everyone.