I have just returned from a party of which I was the life and soul; witty banter flowed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me — but I came away, indeed the dash should be as long as the radius of the earth’s orbit ——————————————- wanting to shoot myself.
C.S. Lewis said something very similar:
A Christian doctrine never seems less real to me than when I have just (even if successfully) been defending it.
Social success is a kind of self-apologia.