Thus James Lileks:
I always thought it peculiar that the Romans had a god of doorways, since that seemed a rather minor job for a deity, and would subject the fellow to ribbing at the God Conventions.
“What do you handle?”
“Oh, war, pestilence, violent expansionism. And you?”
“Doors!” Coughs, looks into his drink. “Really.”
“Well it’s more than that, of course. There’s portals of any sort. Hinges and knobs as well. Knockers in all shapes and sizes. You’d be surprised how much is involved.”
“Yes. Quite. Well, nice talking with you . . .”
“Right. Well, nice to meet you.”
His Majesty has insisted on having me accompany him to a few cocktail parties. Some of the conversations have been a lot like that.
“What do you do?”
“I’ve been working on the AdS/CFT correspondence in field theory. And you?”
“I design weapons of mass destruction. Except, well, actually I’m presently being paid to not design weapons of mass destruction.”
“Oh.” Coughs, looks into his drink. “Can I get you a drink? No?”
Because I don’t drink. My fluids all goes in by IV since that awkward conversation with Obiwan on Mustafa. And they wouldn’t include alcohol anyway.