Junior Ganymede
We endeavor to give satisfaction

John Ellis for President

August 31st, 2011 by The Junior Ganymede

The coveted Junior Ganymede presidential endorsement is rarely given. But every now and again a candidate comes along whose luminous vision impels this august institution to get off the sidelines. Annex Canada 2012.

In other news, President GB the First should be tried for treason.

Comments (7)
Filed under: Deseret Review | Tags: , , ,
August 31st, 2011 12:34:11

MC in Alaska
August 31, 2011

It would only make sense to annex Canada or Siberia if we planned to do anything with them. Writing from America’s last great annexation of nearly-empty land, I have to say I find that prospect sadly unlikely.

BTW, how big of a doofus was Boris Yeltsin? Yeesh.

September 1, 2011

Boris Yeltsin was perfectly rational, considering the USSR feel apart and lost a lot more than just Siberia. Bush the First does need to be tried for treason, though if I started doing that, I am not sure where I would stop.

This has actually been proposed for a long time, to make a merger of Mexico, America, and Canada with our own currency, the Amero. Merging with Mexico, that could be destabilizing. Still, I think in the long run, it would benefit all of us.

Adam G.
September 1, 2011

You mean we aren’t merging with Mexico?

MC in Alaska
September 1, 2011

Siberia has been a part of Russia since before the days of Peter the Great, and almost all of it is culturally Russian, which isn’t really true for most of the territories that separated from the USSR.

Money is fleeting; continents last forever. Just ask Napoleon. Bush may or may not have been right to decline Siberia, possibly because he thought it would irreversibly alter his own country for the worse. But it should be obvious that selling Siberia would irreversibly alter Russia for the worse. And for $2 Trillon?

I would be fine with a merger with Canada, even with the progressive politics. But a merger with Mexico looks far more dicey to me.

September 1, 2011

Canada: fine. I think “Saskatchewan” and “Manitoba” would make swell state names. “British Columbia” probably needs some work.

Mexico: The phrase “shackled to a corpse” comes to mind.

Adam G.
September 2, 2011

I guess we could call it American Britannia. Maybe rename Alberta too, but Prince Albert did the square by us during the Trent Affair, so we should let that one go.

Actually, its really Alberta that needs incorporating. Its an American state laboring under Canuck oppression. The rest of the provinces can go snuffle pine boughs or whatever it is they do.

Al Yankovic
September 2, 2011

Curling. They treat it just like it’s a real sport.

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