Junior Ganymede
We endeavor to give satisfaction

The Masonic Element in Mormonism

August 10th, 2010 by G.

On the sweetness of Mormon life.

(PEC, before the services): Earnestly, discussing whom we might rescue, we might save, we counsel together.

(Services, opening hymn): Singing, in Christ’s voice, “Reverently and meekly now, Let thy head most humbly bow. Think of me, thou ransomed one,” our emotions rise.

(Services, opening speaker): Walks to the lectern. Plunks down a bottle of carrots and a bottle of corn.

(Sunday’s topic, for all talks): The cannery.

My wife rolls her eyes. I shrug. Weapons-grade Mormonism, I tell her. She rolls her eyes again. She listens. Sheepishly she takes out a pad to jot notes.

I look back at the congregation. An investigator (genus, fratboy, species, d-bag–rugby shirt,popped collar, popped hair) is staring. Eyes wide. God, I reckon, giggles.

Cross-posted at the Old Country.

Comments (20)
Filed under: Deseret Review | Tags: , ,
August 10th, 2010 07:46:40
20 comments

Vader
August 10, 2010

Two of my favorite hymns.

And cannery talks are important. A brutal reminder that, to the Lord, all things are spiritual. Can be hard on those who like their religion good and abstract.


psychochemiker
August 10, 2010

As a non-Mason Mormon, it took me a bit to see it, but eventually got it.

I don’t think I understood “Weapons-grade Mormonism”, though.


Vader
August 10, 2010

Curious. I got the “weapons-grade Mormonism” at once, but am still trying to puzzle out the Masonic reference.


gst
August 10, 2010

You called an investigator a douchebag. Sometimes I’m so proud to share a blog with you. Seriously.


Vader
August 10, 2010

Sharing a blog with a Sith Lord must positively pop the buttons off your shirt.

You’re welcome.


Alpha Echo
August 10, 2010

It’s a reference to mason jars, Vader.


Vader
August 10, 2010

[groans]


Adam G.
August 10, 2010

You had to see the guy, GST. If I’d kept silent, the very internet would have cried out.

Not that he isn’t just as worthy of salvation as I, etc., etc.,


Vader
August 10, 2010

“I came not to call the righteous, but d-bags to repentance.”


John Scherer
August 10, 2010

You may be a little harsh here. He actually showed up, which puts him at least in the 90th percentile for investigators…unless he’s working with sister missionaries.


jjohnsen
August 10, 2010

Cute title.


Latter-day Guy
August 10, 2010

I would love to see you expand paragraph 7 and prepare an exhaustive taxonomy of investigators.


Blain
August 10, 2010

I’m uncool enough I thought “dirt-bag?”

Don’t believe I’ve thought of anyone as a douche(bag). I can get by quite well with other unkind words and haven’t seen the point.

But cute.


Cookslc
August 11, 2010

Still don’t get the Masonic requirement and, as your experience and servoce expands, you will find areas of the Churcx where members dress in this manner or worse.


Adam G.
August 11, 2010

Cookslc,
read the tags.
Your faith that my taxonomy can be excused on the grounds of lack of experience is touching, and I thank you for it.


Vader
August 11, 2010

I find this faith disturbing.


Manuel
August 12, 2010

LOL… I guess we now have a guide on how to tell d-bags by looks alone… So Mormon, so Un-Mason…


Vader
August 12, 2010

Much of what we write here is carefully calculated to be as offensive as possible to the sensibilities of self-styled liberals. We enjoy yanking their chain, and they enjoy the smug sense of moral superiority we give them. It’s a win-win situation.

And, yes, I’m aware of the irony.


Bartleby
August 12, 2010

I prefer not to be aware.


Lupita
August 13, 2010

On the Sweetness of Mormon Life contributions are some of my favorite.
Thanks.

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