Official Junior Ganymede Hipness Statement

The ignorant and the ill-intentioned accuse Junior Ganymede posters of being hip Mormons.

Let it first be noted that not all Junior Ganymede posters are Mormon. Bertie’s man Jeeves is a Methodist. Contributor La Llorona is Catholic. Paul Bunyan, who used to post here before the federal government banned him, is likely a Lutheran. Clearly these calumnists never bothered to read the Authors page.

Yet it is the hipness slander that is most troubling. The Junior Ganymede’s long record of unhipness should speak for itself. Still, to remove all doubt, we do deny the charge that we are hip. We are not hip. We never have been hip. We meet or exceed EPA parts-per-million standards for the presence of hip. We slaughter hipness with bowie knives and eat hip steaks for breakfast.

Please do not refer to us as hip again. We thank you with every fiber of our beings.