Vermin

James Lileks battles squirrels.

I mention this to my wife later, and she sits up: he was after the window boxes. She’d just replanted them the other day after the little bastiche ripped up the flowers. The sound I heard was the knocking of the planters against the rim of the window boxes. She checked, and sure enough: dirt strewn everywhere, plant-parts hurled on the roof over the porch. The look in her eyes told me that if I rigged up tripwires and claymore mines and she had to squeegee squirrel off the windows, that would be acceptable. That would be fine.

I recommend poisoned bait instead. Claymore mines are hard on the planters.

Assuming James does not have the capacity for Force-choking the living sin out of the little bastiches, which is satisfying in a way hard to describe to the more humane among us.