Junior Ganymede
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The Junior Ganymede Salutes Pecos Bill

October 09th, 2009 by admin

The Junior Ganymede salutes Pecos Bill, co-winner of the 2009 Nobel Prize for Chemistry, for his important discovery that cow manure, mixed with water, makes a fine fertilizer. Also, when dried, it burns! And these are just a few of the many uses of bullsh**.

Mr. Bill, in an exclusive interview with the Junior Ganymede, allowed as how his investigations into physio-chemistry of bovine byproduct were long overdue this sort of major public recognition: “Ain’t it been three months since I discovered that cowpies is easier to move when dry? Two months, anyways. But nary a peep of a-du-la-tion until now.” When pressed, however, Mr. Bill admitted that the Nobel Committee’s judgment may have been influenced in his favor by non-scientific factors. “When them [European gentlemen] got a gander of my posterior in mah tight jeans, they just abouts lost their little minds.” While Mr. Bill did acknowledge some disgruntlement that his co-winner also won a Nobel peace prize, expressing the view that the distinct lack of basis for any award to that individual tarnished the merit of his own. When reminded that President Obama was, after all, the Prince of Peace, Mr. Bill drew his six-shooter and cavilled.

The Junior Ganymede is accepting applications for part-time intrepid reporters.

Comments (7)
Filed under: Administrative/Announcements,Brilliantly Lit,Deseret Review | Tags: , , ,
October 09th, 2009 08:08:00
7 comments

Adam G.
October 9, 2009

I voted enough times in the last election to get me through until 2012.


John Mansfield
October 9, 2009

Some wonder why President Obama received his prize so early, but they forget that that only the living are eligible to win. What we have here is a major investment in the fantasy that Obama gets to do the full JFK routine.

As for Pecos Bill, well, obviously nothing can kill him, so the committee had to act now before his accomplishments piled up too high.


Vader
October 9, 2009

Most penetrating observation yet:

“This award reinforces my opinion that no good ever comes from a committee.”

http://www.notesoft.com/DiscussionBoards/Debunkers/viewtopic.php?p=12239#p12239


Alpha Echo
October 9, 2009

I turn my eyes from the television whenever the President (may he live forever) is on because I am not worthy to look upon his greatness.


John Mansfield
October 9, 2009

I was just looking at the Nobel dress code, and it says regarding the white tie and tails, “Those who have been awarded state decorations usually wear them: miniature medals plus up to four breast stars, a narrow neck riband and a broad riband or sash.”

America, we need to get busy and award President Obama some medals, stars, and a couple of ribands, which I assume look like ribbons. Call your congressman today.


Adam G.
October 9, 2009

I turn my eyes from the television whenever the President (may he live forever) is on because I am not worthy to look upon his greatness.

Duh.

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